remind me of someone...

As if, My lifeless body one of the dark water. Torturing was`t my doubt. Desperation, horror, and hope struggled for love and dominance on my face. As the moment stretched out, my expression slowly change from grief-numbed bewilderment to uneasiness. Time caught for a moment. Appearances can be deceiving. The fear and hatred started when the líes came upon me. Once i told myself, breathe hard, sit back and relax. It failed i admit. I was out of my mind, irrational but that little flash of memory wouldnt go away. Particulary i love ‘somebody’. Frankly my dear, i dont give a damn what anyone think of me. I`m trying very hard not to have hysterics, i thought writing might help. Something normal, something familiar. Except that nothing in my life is normal anymore. I guess i`ll get used to it faster if i throw my old life away and embrace the new one. Oh God, i`m frightened. What have i accomplished?? Studies?? Social issues?? Parenting?? Oh what… whatever`s going to happen, i dont think anyone can stop it. i dont know if i can either. I didnt care if the entire population of David Bechkam dropped dead.. but it bugs me a little, i mean its not like i`m totally incompetent. I know i`m not that smart as the others, and i`m certainly not as good at sport nor as cool under pressure, but I`M NOT A TOTAL DWEEB. I`m good for something..LOVE KILLS..

Destiny...

Jan1,09 & Jan29,09 & Mar9,09 were the so-called memorable days to me.
Oh, I am starting to ‘cry’ again. That’s what happens when i think about life being fair.
And I can’t explain why it isn’t. I don’t think it’s something anybody knows.
It’s like a ‘light’ that’s gone out. Now there’ll always be a part of me where the light has gone away.
You weren’t a saint. But, you were always sweet, good, honest and faithful, and in the end you did the most selfish thing anybody couldn’t do-I assumed. No one is what they seem. Sometimes, it’s ridiculous for me to think it over and over again. I’m trying super hard to let it go.
That was one mistake I did. Ever since college the recipe had been the same. Meet someone, take them out twice, have sex on the third date, become a couple, then fight until done. Ding!
I had a pattern. Have sex on the third date was so-not in my dictionary of life. … you know what? Maybe I don’t end up with anybody.
Maybe I’m destined to be single. And if that’s the case then I’m going to be single. The fact that I was now not actively looking for a relationship made me appear to just appear.
I always listen to you what u said you were and I took you at your words. ‘I’ll remind you that I love you for 365days because that’s my responsibilities.’
don’t give up for every Tom, Dick, and Agnes that comes along. I love you. And I’m going to miss you terribly.
After for so long, my feelings for you never fade away. I doubt you were trying so hard to forget about me, psychically speaking you already had. No matter what, we’ll try to help each other out.